Digital Utopia? I don't think so..

We have turned into a fragment of some agnostic cynic's sadistic dream of a supposedly utopian world which is as mechanical as it can get. The gears have turned from what once was beautiful mess of everything thrown together to what is a careful and yet ugly disintegration of discrete pieces of life which almost seem like small portions of charity thrown your way. Being a technocrat, I am trained to marvel at the complex mesh of cables and wires which claim to be the path breaking innovation in the domain of interaction superseding the orthodox ritual of talking and listening and somehow believe that I might have a role to play in this unbelievable breakthrough. Yet I can’t!

Most of my appreciation and fascination is claimed by the arts and literature of the world. A tablet capable of capturing a 360-degree view won’t impress me as much as the Meenakari stone work done on a monument. The success story of a young lad from the streets of a small town to being the CEO of a big conglomerate won’t appeal to me as much as the works of Rumi or Neruda would. I am still naïve in my idea of existence. Or I am just not artificial enough. I still have an aversion to Whatsapp and Facebook messenger, the two most popular platforms of “holding a conversation” nowadays. I won’t care about someone’s Facebook or Instagram page if I don’t see them often in person. Some view it as being arrogant and uptight and others call it being orthodox. I don’t know which one of the two is the correct conclusion, but as far as I am concerned I call it being alive in the moment, with people who are actually in my life. Others are just an existential fact.

The world doesn’t seem to agree with me. I have been rebuked time and again for not replying to texts, not commenting on pictures, not knowing the latest gossip about people from distant past, who neither care about me nor matter to me. I don’t have a problem with people who think it’s their fundamental duty to know and criticize the bio data of that classmate’s fiance from 10 years ago, as they toss that empty packet of chips on the road. What really gets a kick out of me is that, the fact that few people don’t live as IP addresses is beyond their understanding. I don’t see a ping being a valid replacement for the warmth of handshake or a hug; or the twinkle in the eye of a laughing person ever being justified by a “lol” or “hehehe”. Some say technology has revolutionized the way in which people interact, but where is the interaction? We have all reduced to Whatsapp ping, Facebook notification, Instagram like and Snapchat story. The social media is the worst kind of claustrophobia one can encounter.

I am well aware I sound like this pessimistic psycho who seems to have an issue with everything and everyone. I might be turning into one. It still makes me more human than the rest of the people who don’t mind enveloping their feelings into an “awww” or a Facebook tags. Lately, my phone screen has started feeling like it is a sorcerer that has enchanted me and trapped my focus into its tiny 5-inch screen. Imagine! All my world reduced to meagre 5-inch! Isn’t it too much a price to pay for just the internet? So I decided to distance myself from the digiworld. Such blasphemy! In case you are wondering, that’s the stairway to being a social pariah. But that too changed with time. I live in a peaceful beautiful world now. I no longer live in a world where my phone dictates what to do next. Cheers to freedom!

Be Good, Feel Good

"Woe to the wicked! It shall be ill with him, for what his hands have dealt out shall be done to him."

I am not the one to make references to Holy Books because of my obvious disbelief in the physical manifestation of a supreme power that rules the world. But i am not averse to the fact that however sketchy i might find these portrayals, I cannot deny there being a philosophical intellect hidden in their words. After having read The Gita and a few verses of Bible, I have come to a realization that answers to most of our problems of internal conflicts can be found within the pages of these books, however peculiar or difficult the predicament be. 

I was lucky to have come across this realization while I was still struggling to entirely comprehend and adopt the idea of the entire Universe being run by a cosmic energy and the occurrence of events based on parallelism of frequencies. I was still a little apprehensive to the notion that every single thought in our minds is a ball of vibrating energy that sends out a certain frequency and from there the wheels are set in motion and what is sent out is what will be received. Essentially the concept of  "What goes around comes back around." 

The last ten days of my life have been a witness to these words proving their realism. Not going into the details of what i saw, I can very confidently say that:

" Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling"

Some may laugh at the triviality of the statement, but its not to be forgotten that this triviality is also an eternal truth. It is exemplified over and over in the pages of Mythology and History. 

Just as the Evil demon kind Ravana ultimately meets his death by the hands of the great Lord Ram in Ramayana, a similar fate is bestowed upon Kauravas by Pandavas in the Epic Mahabharata. Moving beyond the Mystical realm, this notion is popularized day in and day out by the popular media. Movies ultimately all end with protagonist overcoming the evil antagonist . All of children's stories end in the Good winning over Evil. So it is omnipresent and immortal.

The catch is to identify it in one's own life. I believe that the ability of being happy for others while I myself not be in a bliss is the key to happiness. Doing a little good to the world consciously or subconsciously never hurts. It is hard and sounds like a hoax but it has worked for me. Not to mention I have seen people suffering as well because of the negativity they send forth. We don't always have to be "Miss/ Mr. Goody Shoes".That is not possible. But a little effort never hurts. One step in the right direction and you will start healing.  

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." 

Synchronize your energy with the positive realm and get rid of cynical realm that holds you back. Too philosophical is it? Trust me its more practical than anything else in the world!

Life Just Is....

I haven't been loyal to my blog. I had abandoned it, only to realize I had lost my voice in the search of an answer to a 'Why'. This 'why' lurks within the layers of every subconscious mind. A very popular question, that has claimed right on the thoughts of historically great minds and has inspired artists resulting in ageless pieces of creativity and genius. In case I had you wondering what is this why, I will give you a hint. You have asked this question atleast once in your life, and most certainly have spent a good period of your delicately short life, in a quest to find an answer. So what is this ubiquitous question that has gripped everyone's intellect at some point or the other? I will just put it out there without any fancy words poetically leading to it.

"Why do we exist?"

Purpose of our existence is something we have all reflected on, whether in search of spiritual fulfillment or in difficult times when we turn towards reason to hold together fragments of the present. Of all the luxuries we as humans possess, life is certainly the most prominent of all. Of course i don’t have to explicitly say this because this entire blog, you and me would have been nugatory had it not been for this life. Being as important as it is though, there is no defining it, it is a philosophical question which is yet to be answered. Neither science nor literature has been able to define it.

According to Bible : "Everyone who is called by My name, And whom I have created for My glory, Whom I have formed, even whom I have made."

Which necessary means that purpose of life is to glorify, praise him, worship him, to proclaim his greatness and accomplish his will.

According to Gita: “Na Karmanam anarambhan naiskarmyan puruso ‘snute na ca sannyasanad eva siddhim samadhigachhati”

Which roughly translated means "A person can never achieve freedom from reactions from activities without first performing prescribed Vedic activities; neither can perfection be attained without dennouncing them as well.”

According to Buddhism the purpose of life is to end all suffering.

While religion associates the aim of life with God’s will, there is no proof to the Almighty’s presence or absence. Non appearance does not imply absenteeism and yet the idea cannot wholly be dismissed for want of any solid evidence against the God’s presence. While scriptures and religions provide a perspective into the answers to this ‘why’, lets take a look at what most scientifically tuned minds have to say about it.

 As Albert Einstein so elegantly puts it “The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful. Life is sacred, that is to say, it is the supreme value, to which all other values are subordinate.”

            Or

As Marie Curie said “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”

I am not going to go ahead of myself and claim that i have superseded the greatest minds of all time and found the answer to this ever nagging question. But i have realized one thing for sure, talking about meaning of life is same as talking about its purpose, the reason of our existence. I am going to go ahead of myself and disagree with all of them, the scriptures, the holy books, the brilliant scientists and thinkers.

Why does there have to be a reason at all? What if there is no why? What if there is no scroll of parchment which has inked on it each person’s purpose? Who is maintaining the record of whether you have found and fulfilled your purpose or not? What if there is no one at the gates of heaven or hell? What if there is no hell or heaven! Why do we have to spend a good amount of it trying to seek answers to a question that itself is non existent?

 Life just is. It is beyond reason. It is our constant need to explain everything that makes us go looking. Even if it means realizing that life could just have been a logical mistake, I know it hurts but it could be true. Life is no mathematical equation that it can be solved, nor can any constraints be applied to it. There are no axioms or theorems that can tell what the syllabus of life is. Hence proved holds no meaning when it comes to finding out the reason for our existence. Because the premise itself does not exist. Its not tied down by fate or karma. We are. Life is. It happens. That is the ultimate truth.

Pocketful Of Memories

I heaved a sad sigh as I stared at the mount of clothes on my bed and the heap of books on my chair. For days my schedule had been the generic act of moving the stuff to the bed during the day when I sat down to study and shift it back to bed during the night when I decided to finally get some sleep. Life had become monotonous and dull as day after day I stared at my phone then books and back at my phone till my eyes started burning with pain. The struggle to get somewhere in life is hard especially in a country like ours where struggle has so many irrelevant parameters attached to them and I happen to come under the disadvantaged section. But I had managed to set a path for myself. Now that I could breathe I decided to clean up the mess in my world. So I decided to start cleaning up with the mess in my room.

As I slowly started sorting through my clothes I landed on these pair of denims which I had since I was in the tenth standard. I looked at these and wondered what the hell were they still doing in my cupboard 6 years later! Because lets face it i am no longer the lass I used to be back in the day. The plethora of food variety in Delhi has been of no help either. For some reason I decided its a good day for some self humiliation and I stood in front of the mirror with the pair of denims hanging at my waist just to see how far along I had come. Quite far it turns out.

I laughed out loud at the ripped knees. You see ripped jeans were in trend that time and I had watched a DIY and cut the jeans at the knees with sharp slits. The result was not quite what I had hoped it would be. Instead of looking like right off the ramp of Paris Fashion Week it looked it had been through a shredder. It was a disaster and I chuckled at my stupid self 4 years ago. That was it for the pair and I wondered why I had carried its remains with me four years.

I was just about to toss it in the bundle of clothes to be given away, when I noticed the paint smudged on the thigh of the right leg. A smile tingled my lips as I recalled that it had in fact been from the bottle of emboss paints that had spilled on the jeans as I tried to paint the head of Lord Ganesha in a moving car. The painting still hangs in my room. I remember getting blasted off by my mother who all of a sudden could remember all the things I had ever done wrong in my life and didn't quite hesitate reciting the list for the benefit of everyone in the car. It took several rounds in the machine and several hours of work by the washerman but most of the paint eventually came off.

As I smiled to myself I noticed the blue ink spots on the left pocket of the jeans. They took me in a flashback. There I was a carefree 16 year old standing by the stage. The entire school was assembled for the Inter-house Jam Session. I was rejoicing at the fact that we wouldn't have to attend the Physical Education class which I absolutely hated. Then all of a sudden a teacher from the school came to tell me I would be speaking in place of this girl  who couldn't show up. It was like being hit by a ball in the face. Now speaking in front of people isn't a problem for me usually but that is when I am mentally prepared.  Now I was up on the stage and the topic given to me was "Homosexuality". (Back then it had not yet been declared a crime). So for some unexplained reason I decided to take a chilled out quirky approach and yelled "Mah life mah rules". It usually works in the movies but reality sucks. I saw the House Mistress "facepalming" herself and my English teacher giving me the cold eye. From that moment onward I kinda lost all the confidence that had built up, so out of nervousness I played with the pen in my pocket as I stuttered like a madgirl on the stage. One of the most painful one minutes of my life. (Other being when my mom tried to ask me if there was something going on between me and a friend of mine). I had left the cap undone and as fate would have decided it was an Ink pen. Not even one of those sophisticated well designed pens but that cheap stuff. So by the time I got off the stage...sorry was pulled off the stage there was this huge ink blot on the pocket which apparently sent everyone into hysterics. I shook my head at the absurdity of it as I came back to present.

Suddenly it  all started coming back to me and I started looking for marks on that old raggy pair of denims. I saw the broken belt loop that I had got in a fight with my brother over the television remote. I saw the hem of the jeans which were of a muddy color in contrast to the pale blue color of the rest of it. The hem was a result of a rainy day when we had decided to float paper boats in the pool of water that had collected on the road (thanks to extremely exceptional drainage system of our country). This Jeans had seen some of the worst and best moments of my life and been a part of a lot of stupid experiments. I realized it held more value than just some space in the cupboard. The nostalgic trip down the memory lane was priceless and definitely not something to be tossed away I decided as I folded it gently and put it back in my cupboard with a light heart.

A Little Pensive...

There are days, rather moments when we suddenly become aware of the life, of our flesh, of the heavy air around us. Some of us might be weighed down and a few blessed others may raise their heads to the skies and take it all in proudly. I have always felt these moments to be milestones set by something deep within us to make us aware if we are in the right direction. Its really simple if you can raise your heads to the skies you are on the right path but if you are weighed down you need to switch lanes.

I believe we live in an illusion where we waste tears on the bygones and waste our worries on yet-to-comes. We are trapped in this web of days we will never see again and the days that might not see us. When you really think about it, the thought sends shivers down your spine. And it is understood no one wants a date with the Grim Reaper. I guess i am a little pensive because i am nearing into my life more than ever. I like to write life and not death because what is death but an absence of life.

When i was a kid a mere ten year old, a free spirit, i remember we were taught to dream, to stretch out our wings and fly away. I remember that graphically well because there is a picture of me standing with the school choir and singing “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson. I knew the song by heart then and i still do even though it has been ten years since then. But somewhere along the way the wings got heavy and flying away started seeming like a foolish thing to do. It was not that easy, NO! It took mighty ten years of learning to dream the right dream, to trust something other than my inner voice, to lose present to unseeable., to worry about blots on the pages I had already written

But last few have days have given me so many moments of those bare encounters with that feeling of my presence that i am not able to shake it off. It is haunting that little corner in my head that holds the memory of “I want to be” session in the kindergarten. I remember my answer was being a “water walker”, not sure what I meant exactly, but i also remember everyone applauded me. It seems utterly ridiculous to me that a bunch of five year olds had more courage than most of us today. Maybe that is exactly the reason to dust off the cobwebs off your wings and stretch them out, then probably take a leap of faith.

The Wedding Tamasha!

The shine and shimmer of lehengas, the fragrance of beautifully drawn peacocks by mehandi, the blissful dancing in front of the ghodi, sizzling food, the celebrations and rituals, all served on the same day. Don’t you just love Indian weddings? Families coming together, sleepless nights spent away in happy chattering, pains to look your best in the crowd of a thousand people, trying to recognize long forgotten relatives and friends, it indeed is an adventure! An Indian wedding is a cultural retreat. It has everything that makes the culture special and unique. The colors, huge families, spicy food, dhols, rituals and the list goes on. But there’s one reason due to which it really is special. And that reason is the mystery associated with it.

To understand the mystery I will go through the process of the Wedding Tamasha. You think it starts with when you turn 25? No you are wrong! In fact it starts with the moment you are born. The moment your parents see you for the first time, they start building up a dream wedding for you in their minds and hence the savings start, even more so rigorously if you are a girl. Now the journey has started, with your parents right behind you “protecting” you from the opposite sex so that it does not bring “disgrace” to the family. Years go by as you are molded to be the perfect candidate for a marriage. And when you turn “the marriageable age” your education, family background and assets are measured, a price tag is put on you and you are sent up on a pedestal to be “auctioned” off to the highest bidder. If by God’s grace a deal is struck, you can start getting to know your fiance. And love? Well that can wait till after the wedding, after all you have entire life ahead of you for that!

Coming primarily to marriage, defying all the technical definitions Google has provided I believe that marriage is a holy union of two souls. As a living being we have been bestowed with a beating heart that is answering to the rhythms of someone’s breaths. If you find this, you might have found love. I know the idea is highly romanticized but think about it! If two people could spend a lifetime together by a mere deal why would there be any kind of love in the world? The word “love” might sound a little overrated but that’s how God intended universe to be. Every relationship could be on paper, relationship between you and your parents, friends. Who is to say what amount of money can buy your kids a good relationship, a happy marriage. For love can be realized, felt but never learnt or faked.

I hate the Wedding Tamasha because the path it takes is disgraceful. I despise the sales, the price tags, markets and an attempt at bargaining. I hate the stereotypes it drags with itself. I hate that the idea has been dramatized and glamorized to such an extent that it might have lost its meaning. I might me out on a limb here, but I stand by what I believe. The Tamasha has gone on for too long and it needs to stop.

Hope

Hope...Its such a beautiful word. It is the elixir of life. It keeps us going. We may give up on it every once in a while but we need to hold on to it no matter what.

I penned down these lines about this incredible feeling when I was fifteen. The words are not fancy but I still believe its the best verse i have ever come up with.

Hope

Sands may slip through our hands

But our footprints, it bears

Birds may just fly away

But their songs always chirps in our ears

Moon may for a night go into a hiding

But stars always twinkle our way

Snow may devour every bit of land

But eventually it too melts away

Clouds may burst and quieten

But their pearls still linger on our face

A flower may wither and die

But its fragrance hovers all over the place

Trees may shed their autumn leaves

But they make a way for all

Wind may just blow by

But it touches our soul

The road may come to an end

But you can always take a U-turn

It may be your hundredth mistake

But that’s how a man learns

A song may just end

But in your heart the rhythm goes on

The sun may sink down the horizon

But dusk is always followed by a dawn

Rainbow may vanish after sometime

But it fills the white patches all around

The clock may strike a twelve

But you will always have another round

A wave may just rise and fall

But you can always dive back into the water

Moments may fly by

But you can always freeze the picture

Joy may not spread its arms

But don’t let yourself drown in sorrow

Yesterday may seem a little a low

But you will always have a tomorrow

I 'Hope' each one of you holds on to yours forever....